Gaia Community: Desafinada's Blog

Where do you feel most safe?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:42:10 GMT

Nowhere actually. I still go to sleep all curled up. And that's the way I have been ever since I can remember. Not that I haven't been provided with security. In-fact everyone has done their best, and no one could ask for more. So ,no one's to blame for that. Everybody is really there for me.

Still I can't say that I feel secure, specially on the emotional side. I don't feel safe even when I'm alone or in my head.But somehow the years have made me strong enough to be on my own for that matter. And live with that.

And that's just a side of me I'm perhaps mentioning for the first time. Because I thought (and still think) that I'd offend a lot of people who care, when I say this.

One my Goals on my profile page is to "Find Home". And perhaps that sums it up.

Travis : Driftwood

Everywhere there's trouble,
Nowhere's safe to go

Tags: QaR, safety, security

What have you lost in your life?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:42:45 GMT

A lot ,maybe. Both good and bad.

But then, what have I ever had?

;)

Coldplay - Glass of water (live)

Tags: QaR, lost, letting go, giving up

Forty-six is the new Hundred!

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:57:00 GMT

valentino-rossi

Valentino Rossi made his 100th career win on 27th June. And that too in Assen!!! (Anybody who follows MotoGP knows what I'm talking about.)

Valentino Rossi, win number 100

Tags: Valentino, Rossi, MotoGP, tribute

Sunflowers...

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:57:51 GMT

sunflowers

Today as I was aimlessly looking at the ceiling of my room, the yellow light through the curtains,well, distracted me..........and got me thinking.

Sunflowers are considered happy and they cheerfully follow the sun from east to west when budding.

When in truth, they are only becoming larger on the darker side.

That made me smile.

It's funny, such a cheerful plant only becomes bigger in darkness. And perhaps that is life.

And even when there isn't the sun in the sky, you wouldn't call it anything else but a sunflower,eh?

Now I'm no sunflower. But I could definitely learn a thing or two from it. ;)

Coldplay - Sleeping Sun

Tags: hope, happiness, darkness

What do you like most about your life right now?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:51:25 GMT

That I'm alive and I'm in love.

And definitely not in that order.

;)

Coldplay - Lovers In Japan

Tags: QaR, life, appreciation, wonderful, love

What's troubling you?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:28:21 GMT

Just getting through right now. I'm tired. Tired of fighting again and again.
Every morning I get up and ask myself why I'm such a bad person. I know I have issues.

I just don't feel good anymore. Not that I ever felt so. Sometimes I ask myself, what have I done?
The trouble is me. And anywhere I'm taken the trouble will follow. I can't cure it or get rid of it. It's hard to live with that.

But doesn't each one of us have their trouble? Thankfully, we have love to keep us afloat.

snow patrol post punk progression

Tags: QaR, worry, trouble, assistance

A wee bit messy.

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:17:19 GMT

Ah!It's Tuesday. Not that I hate Friday to Monday, I just find them too shifty.

I don't have a poem or any paintings. Because, well , I was too busy gathering my limbs and trying to..ehm....stay alive.

Last week, or rather I'd say quite a month, was pretty hard. I have to kind of pay the price for being a tad too different. Somehow, thinking of it makes me giddy and if there is a god, he knows with what difficulty I'm writing. Not that I ever thought of something like suicide. Suicide is something I'm not doing. Not out of moral reasons though.I don't mean to be preachy and all, but I like life too much. Being a human is sad because of it's history for sure. But it's hard to contain the happiness of being alone. If wonder how someone can be alone and miserable? People are so annoying. I have my own issues with them though. And I have been absolutely disgraceful throughout it. But you can't be sad all the time.

I let out a gawky yawn because I feel pretty uncomfortable putting my heart out this way. Sorry for any mistakes. It will take some time before I post again.

Thank goodness we have dogs, bicycles, umbrellas, stars and ice-cream.Thank goodness we have a lot of things. Because everyday I slept early and woke up late. Because seeing a million nightmares was better than living one. Thank goodness we have something like love. Now, I don't know all about love. All I know is that it can get you through anything and I'm in love!!!

Snow Patrol - Ask Me How I Am (Official Music Video)

Tags: blabbering, life, mess

Friday Five

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:24:02 GMT

1) What is the last movie you saw and did you like it?
The last movie I saw was Doubt. It was pretty nice.

2) What was one of your favorite films as a child?
Definitely E.T..
Now it's The Boy In the Striped Pyjamas.

3) Do you like scary movies?
Not that I hate them, but well, I don't enjoy them much. I somehow lack an emotion about them. (Most I just find weirdly funny)

4) What type(s) of films do you like best? (comedy, documentary, history)
I like Drama movies more than others. Infact far more than the others.

5) What film(s) have inspired you?
A lot must have, definitely. A lot of movies really reach you.

MovieThreatre

Tags: Friday Five, film

Where are you on your journey?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:26:05 GMT

Today I became bigger and stronger.

And now I can see ahead.

On My Way

Snow Patrol - Disaster Button

'And you'll need an army,
To get me back in my box,
Or snap the branches off me.'

Tags: QaR, journey, path, travel, life

If you could play any instrument, what would it be?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Mon, 25 May 2009 19:08:37 GMT

Definitely the Violin.

Itzhak Perlman - Violin

Tags: QaR, music, instrument, learning, song

Don't Panic

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Sat, 16 May 2009 21:52:01 GMT

Really don't...
Because nobody has a perfect life.

don`t panic with lyrics saihanaa

Tags:

What color is today?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Fri, 08 May 2009 22:03:55 GMT

It's purple!
A little bit of blue and a little bit of red.

But well, life's just in technicolor. ;)

Coldplay - Life In Technicolor ii (HD)

Tags: QaR, color, day, creativity, intuition

Bottle

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Sat, 02 May 2009 22:51:58 GMT

bottles

If only something
I'd understood
I long, so long
For a river
By my side
And though I know
It isn't right
I've been broken
To enter a fight
I'm lying, ain't I?
I'm lying to myself
That all is well
But it'll be fine
I know, some day
For now I'm tired
And I won't explain
Because I've tried
But can't talk sense
Because I don't know
Don't know anymore
What it is or has been
Or what I ever am
Or what it would mean
So what can I say?
All the lights
Were just the train
It won't get me by
No, it won't
How long does it take
For bottles to break?
If only I'd learnt to weep
If only pain didn't scar
If only stones could speak
Instead I rock to sleep
My memory to sleep
And wake and dream
It's sun inside
And seal my lips
I drink all wine
Keep it all
Sometimes, sometimes
Sometimes,long enough
It's all you manage
Bottling stale wine
Or the sea it hides
But it's alright
Well,it always is

---------

I'd like to apologize. Perhaps I don't need to, but still I would like to.
For coming up with something grey in writing again. Writing keeps me sane-ish. And also for keeping only at surface, and really lacking opinion here for a while, which will probably continue for some time.
Or if I write horribly.

Nor that I am upset. I just need to write sometimes.

Have a good day.

Tags: poem, grey

Melting

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:21:34 GMT

Spinning earth
Have you stopped?
Is it being forever?
In a moment's rush
Beautiful grow, love
Blossoming flower

Everything seems
Just light and sound
Reaching towards you
And kissing your skin
Everything I've seen
It makes sense now

Floating calm
With a bursting heart
In thought bubbles
Soft in your eyes
That warm my soul
And set me free

What you are
I don't quite know
Just melt me slow
In your gentle arms
And stir me vanished
In everything you are

--------------------------------------

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.

Plato (c.427 - 347 BC)

Tags: love, poem

Where are you flowing?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 19:56:42 GMT

I don't know.

I have been sleepwalking.And now I'm lost. But well, I've been lost for quite a while. And it really doesn't matter anymore. As long as I am flowing somewhere.

Coldplay - Lost

Tags: QaR, flowing, ease, life

What's the most beautiful little thing you've seen this week?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:20:10 GMT

I saw a picture,

A picture of you.

:)

Tags: QaR, beauty, small, beautiful, seeing

If it is

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:40:17 GMT

Now

Everything is turning new

I pull my threads apart to sew

I run out of the long parade

And put the roof below my feet

To close my eyes to understand

And smile awake as if I knew

The colours all mix into one

Glowing burnt below the sun

Saltwater tastes like fresh dew

I'm floating on a black balloon

Words swim far from my head

The past is buried with the dead

If now is all that there is

The sky never looked so good

Tags: poem

Following The Rabbit To It's Home

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:04:11 GMT

love

It was World Autism Day on 2nd April and though I'm a little late, I just feel like wanting to write this little something. I don't know as what. I just wanted to write this, even though it isn't much.

I'm autistic. And yes, little aspects of it sometimes really get me agitated. Not that I would want to be something else. But it just does sometimes. If you've read my blog entries previously, I kind of sound annoyed sometimes.
But I've also written a lot about love.And that is what I really want to write about right now.

I am someone who shouldn't have fallen in love. And I did. And I am. And that is magical. Magical to an extent which I wonder if you can understand. Something that never should have happened, but it did.

Usually, I get annoyed with things I cannot understand. And here is something to which no mystery can compare, and yet it only feels so obvious to fall in love with someone so beautiful. A mystery to which I do not care if it stays a mystery forever.

It feels like you are falling off a height, only to learn how to fly. It feels like a picture is engraved on your heart forever. It feels like you'll either burst or melt, but you don't. Your heart beats like never before, and yet finds a certain comfort. And you wonder how beautiful someone can be? Someone who is like a light that your heart follows, among all the chaos and the frenzy of the world that I've never quite understood.

Love.

Keep your heart open. I don't know all kinds of autism or what anyone else who is thinks. All I want to say is...Love is the best thing that can happen to anyone. And love is for everyone. It really is. You probably just have to come across someone who is beautiful enough.

I am in love with someone. And I don't care how it ends up. Because it will never end. I will never be able to or want to stop loving him. Because he will never stop being beautiful. He just keeps becoming lovelier everytime. And I will love him forever and more. And when I see him, even forever and more doesn't feel enough.

How wonderful it is to just love!!

Snow Patrol - If Theres a Rocket Tie Me To It

Tags: love, autism

Are we there yet?

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:33:50 GMT

But where were we ever going?

We're just running around like madmen.

:)

#4: Photographer-Alix Malka

Fountains Of Wayne - Sink To The Bottom

Tags: QaR, arrival, journey, process

Near To The Madding Crowds

http://silentblowingwind.gaia.com — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 20:02:59 GMT

Reflections

Dario Marianelli - Pride and Prejudice - 06 - Georgiana-

It has been strange. It really has. And the world is a strange place. Every second of it.

I have been opening up to the world for quite a while.And the chaos of the world has left me disoriented. But I'm surprisingly enjoying it now, with the disorientation.

Definitely, it drives me crazy. But the world is magical. It's like a dream in continuity. There's nothing as unreal as reality.And it carries a strange melanchony with it. That makes life go like a rollercoater. It heavily annoys me and sometimes it makes me laugh.

For now I am laughing. And though it cannot be explained, I hope you all feel it too.

Sometimes I think that this world isn't a place for me, I was supposed to be somewhere else. Not because the world is too bad or good. But because I felt I didn't fit in. But in a clear state of mind I realise that this is the right place. Because we both are mad.

And probably I am going mad, but I'm liking it. Because all this madness gives me the sanity I need. I shouldn't be. But I'm liking it.

Yup, I've finally gone mad.Because I am living my element of extremeties. And that I no longer have much control over myself. But it feels wonderful. I don't know if it's right. Neither do I wish to.

Ah!....life.....and the frenzy of the world.

"To live would be an awfully big adventure" - Peter Pan (2003)

;)

Tags: life