What do you want right now?

Umbrellas

"There is no hospitality like understanding."-Vanna Bonta

I might just end blabbering here, but I'd rather not have a regret of never saying it. There are things like- good, right, truth, happiness in our lives. And they have different names because they are different things. They all don't mean the same. And it would be naive to think that if you had one of them, the others would follow. It really doesn't go that way. And it's not about really sticking to one of them. But choosing the one at that moment to make it easier for you, even in the long run. And doing that on the other hand, ironically isn't easy at all.

I'd thought for a long time that you are responsible for all your actions. And really I hated myself for that for a long time, even for things I knew I never could change. Talk is small. Really. Because you can't change everything, or at-least keep it worth it during the process. And it took me several years to understand this.

Everybody is born (almost) like a clean state. I don't start speaking Spanish with no one around me who does that. I mean, whoever thinks babies are evil or bad or whatever? And how many of us really think of adults as 'once upon a time babies'?

Things happen to people and that's what shapes their character. We talk about not being judgmental, but isn't it all really just superficial?

Do you know how a person is? Really, ask yourself that someday. And wonder how often it is that we really and honestly completely try to understand someone. Rather than just saying "I understand" and not mean it. And think of the number of people feeling miserable with the sense of guilt. Or the million things they're supposed to be. And perhaps it isn't about being good, or right all the time, or being grand, or even being yourself for that matter all the time. Maybe it's just being.

Because all we think is, this is what they should want or what's good for them. But everyone's wants are different and sometimes they might not even make sense to us. But it is what they want. Personally, sometimes I get the feedback "Oh, that's not what you really want. You just think you want that." And honestly, it's annoying when people say they know much better what you want than yourself. I'm not talking about kids, that makes sense. Most of the time they might want things that they'll regret about later in their lives. But would you say the same about an adult who you know is fully capable of understanding the consequences and it's intensity?

What are we even doing here? All that begins ends. And so will humanity and probably even life. And in the vast sea of time all that will be nothing more than a moment. So what does really matter?

What is the meaning of life? No, I don't really want to be understood today, or ask anyone to understand me. Someday, just sincerely try to understand someone. Even if that someone is just yourself. And maybe you'll have your answer for that question.

That's all I want to ask for today.

Hope everybody turns out well.