A me ,a day

Dario Marianelli - Pride and Prejudice - 15 - Your Hands are Cold
I know that that is very weird thing to write for a title or that it will make sense to me tomorrow or not.

But mail or even Internet is easy. You leave footprints that don't erase until you or someone else rarely would do so. Atleast you are likely to know most of what you did yesterday. Or more rightly what you were yesterday. And it looks like it's the first time I'm writing about this, atleast here.

And so before I drift away to something else.

When you wake up, open your eyes, and it feels like you were born again. Everyday. And you know (And strongly rarely don't) who, where and all those things of information on you, atleast basic. But an awful lot of things seem like previous lives, faded memories.Bits and pieces, some of which make the right sense. But you really don't have time for all that. It's just a day to live as you are today. Because tomorrow, you'll be forgetting a lot of today.

I wonder if this makes sense.

But you're someone else everyday. And it's still you. Only a different one. Because you don't remember how you were yesterday. And sometimes, you cannot understand yourself in the past. Or how you react . As if you were unpredictable to yourself.

I hope this doesn't come across as something traumatic .It isn't. Because a lot of people would like to forget. Specially when you're alright but just not right. Because it doesn't usually matter tomorrow. Because you wake up smiling everyday. Because you don't remember but it is you that stays with you when you wake up. The important part of you.

Sometimes, within your weird sensitivities, you realize you wrote down something. To remember, because it was important. When you would have wanted to remember it just like that. Because you care too little.

Because you "figured out" that nothing was important in the big picture. It was all about what you wanted .And somedays you wonder.....how many people are you, while just being yourself? Somedays, like today. When you also hear a lot.

All the silly unnecessary things you do.Or the pain.Or the sounds that eat away your head, till it can come back. Cars, horns and phones and people. People...that seem distant but fine. Or someone who could live with you without suffering.You are cold. And who you are isn't right but neither wrong. But who are you? It doesn't matter.

I just wish sometimes I could take hints.It seems like a fun thing. But..ow well...life is interesting enough without it too. And the catching up gets exhausting often.

It's like you are running and running but you really don't know where to, or from, or even just where you are. But you are running because it is fun.

It's a funny thing though. It surprises me enough. That I'm happy. And genuinely. Because even though I say I wish, when it comes to wishing, I can't wish for anything. I can't remember a thing. Or when I do remember, I don't want to wish. That's just me. I do get angry and sad and all at times.And very extremely when I do :P. But everybody should and it's very fine.You should be worried if you don't.

Could you even say I'm forgetful? Maybe not. Because somethings I remember extraordinarily well. Freakishly well. It's just that my head decides weirdly what it wants to remember. And do I have a messed up head!

But it's not something that has happened to me. It is me. A part of me. That is what I am. And that's alright.



Goodness! Being happy is just so easy. :S