I've lost my heart to someone.;)

I just need to write now.

Love is such a wonderful feeling and it fills your heart with something.
Infact, it fills you up.
It swells and swells inside you.
Never bursting....
But always feels like it will.

And I feel so good now, I don't know what to do with this feeling, if that is what it can be called.
Everything looks so beautiful.
And what's so good, is that I won't lose this feeling.
And I don't have to even try to hold it.

My smile is now my default expression.Haha.
Actually, I don't even know how to describe it.
It feels like you are floating in an endless light.
A feeling that grows more than you can contain.

I can barely think now.


Love.....

I've been thinking.
I talk so much about being able to choose.But now something in my head ,I really can't escape thinking.
About physics and maths.
If we trace down everything, I think it will end in physics and mathematics.
If I can really put this right.

Consider pool. By using physics and maths we can calculate what the strike will result to.Where each ball will be at the end of it.
So probably, it can be calculated how each molecule or atom, or sub- atomic particles or whatever, moves.Which would mean that there is no randomness.
I'm not really good at physics, and haven't studied much in maths. But even if you see chemistry, and even biology, the end point of an explanation will lead you to maths and physics.
Now this would mean, that there is no such thing as random.Everything happens as an effect of something.Meaning , nothing takes place on it's own.
I know it's theorotical, but if we could keep an eye on every bit of energy and matter in existance at the same time....we can precisely calculate what will happen next?
By using accurate maths and by knowing physics as exactly how it is considering every factor(even things we do not know of and do exist; because my point is not knowing what will happen next but that there is the absolute certainity of it that it will happen.)
This raises a question in my head, about our ability to choose. Are we even choosing because we are supposed to choose that? The chemicals in your head acting as an effect?
Is everything a destiny caused by something that always existed?
Is everything that will happen will be because it had to?

I don't know.It's a little uncomfortable idea for me.Though not too much. And I tried to avoid it because it is a contradiction to what I first thought.But it keeps coming back.Then again, it's in my own head.

That everything has a certainity.

That our choice and what we do is just an effect of something happening long long ago?

I don't really know.

Actually, I've been singing this song for quite some days along with 'Run' by Snow Patrol.
The song is 'Some surprise' sung by Gary Lightbody (from Snow Patrol) and Lisa Hannigan. I start singing it without noticing often and I simply adore it.

Because most people seem strange and it's hard to understand why they act that way.

Why most people give away the best thing they could ever know?

Why most people want to have something damaging?

Why do most people want a purpose in life to live? ( Isn't life a big enough reason to live?)
 
Why most people seek enlightenment?

Why do most people treat others like property and feel they can own them(specially w.r.t love and children)?

Why do most people think some others are not capable of understanding what they should want in their lives? (It's their life, they know.Right?)

Why do most people cry at funerals?

Why suicides mostly occur out of the most idiotic reasons?

Why are (most) people so annoyingly nice?

And why really do most people want to know if there is God?

I give up!
On people and pharmacy.

I'm just fooling around.
But I'm looking nowadays at what I would not like to think of.

If we think of existence as infinity(∞), nothing really matters.
Existence - comprising everything that ever existed, even nothingness.

So now what I'm thinking is...if we compare anything to existence(infinity).(I know this is stupid.)
I'll use ratio.
So now I'm comparing 'anything' to existence'

anything : existence
I say 'anything' is represented by 'a'

So now we see a : ∞
Which as I understand means a is a/∞ part of ∞

Now that infinity is 1/0 , it means
a/∞ = a x 0 = 0 = zero......(1)

Which means anything is zero compared to existence.
Or we could say anything is nothing compared to existence.
Now something could mean anything...you, me, earth, milky way, sand, numbers, words...whatever.
This could mean that all this, anything, is nothing. There is no use of it.

But if existence is nothingness....it reverses it.
If anything is nothing compared to existence, and existence is nothing, it means anything is existence.
Which makes it everything.
Now how can existence be nothing?
Maybe if you consider that since everything is a part of existence, that is, it makes up existence...
Hmm...
So what do you get when you gather a group of nothings?
A: Nothing.
Like 0+0+0+0+0....... =0
So if you add every part of existence (which is a nothing ) it would equal to existence.
Now the sum of every part of existence is nothing , since every part is nothing.
Resulting into the idea that existence is nothing.
And so since anything is nothing and existence is also nothing...anything is existence.....
a = ∞..........(2)
And anything becomes important.

But ∞ itself is meaningless.
Because if we think of infinity as...say 'y'
y = ∞
y = 1/0
y x 0 = 1
So what can be multiplied to 0 to make it 1?
:)
So ∞ is pretty meaningless, it seems.(Just an idea or a depiction I guess)
Makes existence meaningless.
And existence is anything.
So both are meaningless.

And this all is wrong itself.
Why?
Well, because see what I marked as (1) and (2)
a = ∞
So it means,
a/∞= a /a=1
But from (1)
a/∞ = 0
Now this funnily results to...
1 = 0
Which is wrong. Simply because zero is not one.
Unless we use the earlier conclusion...that everything is nothing.
Which makes 1 as nothing (0).
And also makes ∞ as 0.

Haha.
This actually sounds deep....
'Anything is everything. Everything is nothing. And nothing is One.'

I must be out of my mind.
XD

I want to live so much
So I won't try anymore
To catch the last breath
I lost in your eyes

It's not my lungs
But a close neighbour
Opening endless doors
To your rainbow of light

You make me lose my walls
It's an open corridor
And my fist no longer means
How much my heart can hold

You're the warmth of stars
Touching my cold fragile limbs
And my pulse keeps running
To end everytime in you

I wonder how many stars
Must have died ,surrendered
To result into your sweet smile
That makes mine beautiful

So when the stars collide
And the universe is brighter
I'll be burning bridges
And dancing around fires





I end up writing pretty silly.But I guess, that is what love fortunately makes you. ;)

They say love is hard to find
It wasn't hard for me at all
You're the only rose I find
Among far too scentless flowers

You're the brightest star
In the dark moonless sky
Where my internal compass
Always seems to point

Those eyes are portals
That turn everyday life
Into places in heaven
On a mortal earth

I'm sure so stop pretending
You're an angel in disguise
And have your hidden wings
That seem to make me fly

I learnt at school that light
Travels fastest in vacuum
But yours seem to move faster
Somewhere in between my lungs

Ow well, another love song I wrote. Just because I felt like writing about.

It's cold alright
But not so why
I feel I shiver
Cause I'm warm inside
I am all lost
On this known street

You like the weather
And ask what I think
I find I give
An awkward smile
Cause I haven't noticed
A thing but you

It's good we walk
On the right side
I can't look front
I trip ,you catch
But I have to fall
Into those eyes

My breath deepens
You slow your feet
You misinterpret
It's not your pace
It's just your face
Lit by the sun

Keep on talking
I can't say much
But if you stop
I might kill it all
As I would then say
That I love you


Another love song I wrote in a really short interval of time. But I like this one more than the other two. :)

Sometimes you find
You survived a ship wreck
But you weren't saved
And now you're alone

You float across the blues
On your dead raft
Shovels pushing ahead
On each wave

The sun burns your skin
Like strong flames
And you are tired and
Thirsty in the sea

The sea parades
Into a sad song
Like the sound of sobs
On funerals

But I now know
I will get found
Or atleast I hope
To think I will

The city noise beats
I think of them
And the empty roars
If I make it

I'd rather get lost
And find shore
To a little known island
That can hold me


Okay, well.This time I wrote this "sad song". But with what I wrote it, it isn't exactly sad, but just what I feel. Oh well, here it is anyways.

So now I see
In complete darkness
The northern star
That brings me close

An unknown place
To where I belong
I rush on waves
And life below

The sea now cracks
And laughs, it dances
To a welcoming song
To my home

The sky it rains
And kills my thirst
Beneath far torches
And black blankets

The broken raft
Now comes to life
My hands are soiled
But open wide

And faces smile
Like I have known
I think I've found
A land to grow



I wrote this song after I wrote 'Thirsty in the Sea' .It's more like a sequel to it. :P
Because I feel much better now, though it hasn't been much time since I wrote the earlier song.So this song holds more meaning if it's read after 'Thirsty in the Sea.'

Sometimes it feels like the whole world conspires to make you smile.

I recently posted a question on the group - 'Deceit of the selfish mind' asking What actually is enlightenment?

So I started to take interest and look up some things on my own. Now what I came across is this article called Human , All Too Human which is a book by Friedrich Nietzsche. It's not like I've never heard the name before.I probably even have some of his quotes in the my quotes section, though then I hardly knew something about him.

I was pleasantly surprised when I came across this excerpt from the book...
Excerpt:
"At the waterfall. When we see a waterfall, we think we see freedom of will and choice in the innumerable turnings, windings, breakings of the waves; but everything is necessary; each movement can be calculated mathematically. Thus it is with human actions; if one were omniscient, one would be able to calculate each individual action in advance, each step in the progress of knowledge, each error, each act of malice. To be sure the acting man is caught in his illusion of volition; if the wheel of the world were to stand still for a moment and an omniscient, calculating mind were there to take advantage of this interruption, he would be able to tell into the farthest future of each being and describe every rut that wheel will roll upon. The acting man's delusion about himself, his assumption that free will exists, is also part of the calculable mechanism."

Why? Because few days ago I wrote this entry Is there no randomness?
It's actually very strange.Even when two people discuss about something, they don't sound so similar while saying it. Both of us pointing out choice and calculation.

There are other things that are funnily similar to what I think. Like just taken out of my head. He didn't like the idea of war and nationalism. The arguments. The direction.
And finally this...
“He who has come only in part to a freedom of reason cannot feel on earth otherwise than as a wanderer.”

Maybe it's the health. Well he also ended up with a mental breakdown, something which I strongly predict for myself. ;)

Even this....
Wherever progress is to ensue, deviating natures are of greatest importance. Every progress of the whole must be preceded by a partial weakening. The strongest natures retain the type, the weaker ones help to advance it. Something similar also happens in the individual. There is rarely a degeneration, a truncation, or even a vice or any physical or moral loss without an advantage somewhere else. In a warlike and restless clan, for example, the sicklier man may have occasion to be alone, and may therefore become quieter and wiser; the one-eyed man will have one eye the stronger; the blind man will see deeper inwardly, and certainly hear better. To this extent, the famous theory of the survival of the fittest does not seem to me to be the only viewpoint from which to explain the progress of strengthening of a man or of a race.

Considering Darwin, the approach. I've considered this. More to survival of the fittest. It's the resources being diverted.What was distributed between the two now goes to one (the survivor) making it stronger.


So I decided to go just a little further and look at all his quotes. I ended up finding just more surprises. I could so relate, so similar to words in my head, and it sounds crappy, but kind of a deja vu.
Quotes -
-"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star."
-"Truths are illusions of which one has forgotten that they are illusions."
-"At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance with such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time."
-"For believe me: the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and greatest enjoyment is - to live dangerously."
-"A man's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play."
-"What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do and crosswise to our purposes? For love to bridge these opposites through joy it must not eliminate or deny them."
-"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."
-"Is man merely a mistake of God's? Or God merely a mistake of man's?"
-"Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves."
-"I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance."
-"Be careful lest, in casting out your demons, you cast out the best thing that is in you."
-"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

And most others, I just put up a few.Neither did I put up everything, not just regarding quotes, but also views.
He was smart with saying the principle of eternal return.Though if we have similar heads, I could actually say why he came up with this absurd idea.Maybe later someday.

Not that this means anything at all, or that makes me right or something like that.It's just funny.It's like we used the same head. Only he was a lot better at writing skills and more intense.But the ideas, the approach, the thinking, and the feeling are so very similar.The essence of it all.Though I don't still know much. But ,well, it was fun to see this.And also slightly freaky. ;)